Going through some old writing, I found three “letters” I had written right around the time we found out that Ben was on his way.  Below is the first one from the night we found out that Andrea might be pregnant.  You probably need to read this post to make sense of some of it.  I’ll publish the next two in the coming days.

December 5, 2004
Dear Little One,

Andrea in December 2004, right around the time we found out she was pregnant. Edgar liked to make him useful. You can sort of see the boxes in the background as we were getting ready to leave NJ and come to Bethlehem.

It was a strange day for your momma and I.  For two years now, we had been talking about having a baby, and this morning, a pregnancy test was sort of positive.  An what that means is that we sort of think you are on your way.  Admittedly, I freaked out a little bit (in a good way), but your momma was pretty calm.  I think she might be a bit shocked.  We both so badly can’t wait for you to join us in the life we have built for us.  We have a spot in our little family specifically made for you.  And we are excited.

So, now we have to wait until tomorrow so your momma can take another test and see what that shows.  I am scared it will be negative, but logic seems to tell me I have nothing to worry about.

While we waited for you today, we went and did a little Christmas shopping.  We saw lots of things we want to buy you next Christmas.  We also went to dinner, and we talked about how our lives may change, and what we do next.

I feel like you are here, now in this world…and I feel like I already love you.