It was just an email trying to sort through what I thought, correctly, was a mistake.  Ben needed more time at a tee and Matthew had not played tee ball and they were trying to put them both in the next division. Yes, I had already said to being an assistant coach when I signed them up.  Next thing I know, I am the manager of the team.  As I went to bed that night, all I could think was “What the hell just happened?”

I thought about the madness that swirled around the  manager from last years team.  I thought about those ten kids running off in all different directions…and then all back towards the same destination, very quickly.  I thought about how my own son was driving me insane trying to get him the listen to instructions.  I thought, what had I just gotten myself into?

I had expressed similar feelings on Facebook that day and the responses from most of my male friends were ones of condolence.  They know.  However, one friend who knows of my love of baseball called me out on it and mentioned that this is probably what I secretly wanted.  I think that I may have to agree with that.

While sorting through logistics and trying to arrange things with assistant coaches is a bit of a pain, I do look forward to this now.  I think that all along I have always wanted to try this and all I needed was someone to push me on it.  Now I don’t know if I’ll be singing the same tune in six weeks, but right now, I have a general feeling of happiness about it.

A conversation with Benjamin also brought somethings to light for me:

“So, you are going to be the big boss of the whole team?”

“Yes.”

“You get to tell everyone what to do?”

“Yes.”

“You are the boss?”

“Yes.”

“Awkward.”

A fear I do have is that I may not know how to treat my own sons on a team of ten kids.  I don’t want to favor them, but I want them to love the game the way I do and this is a great opportunity.  I want them to have fun and learn the basics.  Ben really didn’t like it last year and I feel like this is my best chance to have him learn to love it.  I feel that Matthew will pick it up nicely, but we’ll have to see.

I have high hopes for this endeavour, even if I am extremely afraid.   In the end, I just hope the kids have fun, which is the most important thing.  However, I hope I also have fun, without having to be committed.